we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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