What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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