um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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