The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
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