You're completely useless in the revolution.
I bet he comes in French.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
