My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
