Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
