Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
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