wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
