I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
