I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
