You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
