I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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