No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
