I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
