Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
