You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
