God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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