I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Randomize
