so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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