can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
