Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
