it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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