LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize