I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
did i walk over a car last night?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
