I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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