yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
