Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
