yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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