an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize
