you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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