i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
