Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
