You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
