this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
