I will die if light touches me.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
