after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize