He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
