What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize