R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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