Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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