Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
