and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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