I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
