Hey man sorry I got all grabby
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize