I think my vagina is haunted
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
