a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
