I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
