Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
