I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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