i think my tv is drunk
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
