you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
