what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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