It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
