yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
