I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize