u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I want her autograph on my taint
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
