I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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