tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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