"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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