im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
