just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
