Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
