He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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