You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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