Nicole vs. Life
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
