i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
