cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
