can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
