well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
