addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
