I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
