All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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