Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
